Here's to New Beginnings.. and Better Weeks.

Dear Universe,

In the past 24 hours, I've been debating what to write for this week's main blog post. I've decided on this letter to you. Mr. Universe (God even...), I'm asking you to please have mercy. My heart is so full of sadness and hurt. I'm asking that none of my family members or friends (or any of theirs) get sick, injured, or die. I'm asking for one week without tragedy. I'm asking for one week without any tears or heartache. I just want one week where all the sad stuff pauses. It doesn't even have to be awesome.. just less sucky.

Let us recover. Let us continue on grieving the losses of this past terrible and long week. Let us recover before anything more comes along to push us down.

I ask you this because I don't think my heart can take much more of the sadness that it's been enduring these past few months. I'm not alone. I have loved ones and friends who help me through, but right about now, I'm wishing I didn't have such sadness that it needed to be shared with others in order to survive it.

My friends are too young to be dying with such frequency. My friends have their entire lives to live. Suicide, cancer, car crashes, and other accidents should not be whisking them away so soon. They're so young. 19, 20, 21.... 27 even. It's too young. What about the other beautiful things that we have yet to experience? Graduating college, finding love, moving forward with relationships towards marriage, starting families, getting "real" jobs, buying cars, renting or owning a home, getting pets, I don't know.

I know that my goal is Heaven. I know that when this life is over, I want to go and be in Heaven with God and all of the other souls who have left this life...  but I know I'm not ready. I know I have learning and living to do before my soul is prepared for that journey.

Maybe all this sadness is meant to teach me, shape me, help me grow before I'm ready for Heaven... in fact, I'm pretty sure God wouldn't give me all this sadness and hurt if He didn't think I could somehow manage to push through... but I'm asking for a break because I think I need it.

Today was the one week marker. I woke up at 10am last Sunday and was immediately given the news about Ryan. Since then, I've had nothing but bad news and sadness. Today, well... right now it's Monday. But this day, I'm hitting a reset button. I'm going to focus on school, and work, and the joy that comes with birthdays and celebrations.

Tuesday is Miss Violet's 4th Birthday, Wednesday and Thursday are my dad and Uncle Tom's birthdays, and for once, my work schedule allows me to spend some time with them during this exciting week.

I know I can't ask for this pause on the sadness and hurt to last forever. But, I can ask for one week. And I am. Please, Universe (but mostly God), please just hit pause on the loss. My heart needs a break from breaking. Let me glue it all back together. Just give me some time to let the glue dry.

Always,
AHealingEnglishMajorInNeedOfSomeTimeToBreathe

P.S.

I'm pretty sure it was Ryan who whispered in the ear of the woman who was almost crushed by the ceiling panel that came crashing down in my store this weekend. She moved in the knick of time, and she and her baby were saved. The panel was extremely heavy and would have seriously injured or killed them, but they had just gotten up to leave or buy a cookie or something. They were standing for less than a minute. There were so many prayers of gratitude going through my head and outloud following the incident this Friday.