A Sunday Kind of Love-- Etta James

Have you heard the titular song of this blog post?
If you haven't, shame. Go listen to it RIGHT NOW.

It's kind of how I feel right now. Well, the first stanza is how I feel. I want something more than just "oh that one looks nice. I think maybe I should try to see how that goes."

The lyrics:

I want a Sunday kind of love
A love to last past Saturday night
And I’d like to know
It’s more than love at first sight
And I want a Sunday kind of love
Oh yeah, yeah

It's been months. I've had time to think about what I want, what I don't want. I've spent these months think about what wasn't working, what I didn't like, what I do or not think will work. I've been trying to figure out my direction... and I think I've come to a conclusion.. sort of. You know, in the way that someone thinks they know exactly what they want but they know that's really pretty impossible. 

I read an article yesterday.. the link is HERE. The author kind of makes a point of saying you shouldn't date without the intention of marrying someone..  or more specifically, "I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date someone unless you’re 100% certain you’re going to marry them, but I am saying that if you’re pretty certain you’re not going to marry them then you probably shouldn’t consider dating them." But, I don't know if I agree with this. I do think you should have some sort of intentions laid out.. Like, I think dating without direction is stupid. But I'm also not sure that I'm going to think about marrying someone the first few times I go out with them.. or the first few times we hang out (because dates freak me out). I think there's a difference between saying, I am going to marry this girl.... so I should ask her out.. and I want to see where this goes. 

I also think that there are valid points to the 7 habits of Defective Dating laid out later in the article. (Excuse the jumpiness of this post) 

1. Dating Leads to Intimacy but not Commitment.

- I'm afraid of intimacy. That's very clear to most people who know me. Recently, while out for coffee with someone, upon our departure he kissed me... which I wasn't prepared or really comfortable with and I RAN. Like, I'm not saying I made an excuse and left... No, I pulled back and sprinted to my car. In heels. 

There are a few things that I have to say about intimacy: 1. I don't want to be kissed unless I'm in a relationship. I think that kisses are something I want to mean something. I don't kiss random people. I don't kiss multiple people. I don't want to be kissed on a whim because it sounds good at the time... but then in an hour or two it was a bad idea... No. That hurts. 

2. You Skip The Friendship Stage

- I'm back and forth on this one. I think it depends on your definition of friendship. I think that you learn a lot about someone during "dating" that you might not just share with a friend. I don't think that you should necessarily limit yourself to dating your BFFs, but the whole... I'm gonna just start dating people I only know from this one time at the bar.. or something... it's not for me. 

3. Physical Relationships are Mistaken for Love.

-I'm afraid of kisses. And, I'm Catholic. If you're looking for something meaningless and physical... you're looking at the wrong girl. Not that "physicality" of relationships is meaningless... because it's not. But, I know myself. I know I'm not there. I know what I believe. I know that I value myself more than to just give myself away to "prove" that I love someone. That isn't how it works. There are so many ways to show love, physicality isn't the only way. 

4. Relationship Isolates Couples from Friends

- I value time spent one-on-one with someone, but I also see value in being able to enjoy time together and with others. I think that one of the most beautiful experiences is being able to be with your significant other AND your friends and knowing that there's value in each of those relationships. It's important to me that my friends and family support a relationship... for that to happen, it can't solely exist in a bubble. 

5. The Couple is Distracted from Preparing for the Future.

- I am not ready to think about that yet. I'm not even in a relationship.. my plan for the future right now: graduate. Marriage isn't there yet. I mean, I know I want to have a family, share my life with someone, be married... but I'm not ready to get married. I'm not actively searching for a husband.. though I'm not actively NOT searching for a husband. If that's not too convoluted for you. 

6. Discontentedness of the gift of singleness arises. 

- I'm single. Yes. I prefer not being single. Yes. This time on my own has indeed been a gift. It has given me time to build up my relationship with God. It's given me time to sort out who I am, what I am, what I stand for, what I want or don't want. Being single has been a gift. There's this misconception that knowing that you want more than to be single for the rest of your life means that you want to be in a relationship just to have that title. I don't. I don't want to be in a relationship just so that I don't have to be single. That's not the point of a relationship. I don't want to be someone's "Oh! I don't have to be single if I'm with her." 

7.