Real Talk

Lately, I have been struggling with my anxiety disorder. I don't know how to put it all into words, and I don't know how to ask for help. I usually don't even realize I have hit the point where I need help until  it's out of hand. So, I'm there. 

Suddenly I realize that I haven't been sleeping, and that I can't stop thinking about the ways my life could go up in flames, and I stop focusing on the good, and I focus on every possible bad situation. And... then I think about it and I realize I'm hiding away in my room away from the world when I have an entire day off to go do things, and instead I lock myself up and watch hours of netflix or dvr to avoid people, because it's too much. 

It's too much. 

I want to explode... but I don't know how. That's the crippling part for me. I don't know what to do when it's bad. I used to be able to talk about it, and if I couldn't talk about it I could write about it. But I don't want to put it into words anymore. It didn't fix anything, it just put it out there for the world to see, and I don't like how vulnerable it made me, and for what? To say I expressed how I felt?

Because that's all it was... I talked about my issues but I didn't solve anything. 

So.. how do I solve the problems that I'm no longer capable of putting into words? 

I don't know.